turkey day

This week has been rather normal, which is my new favorite. When I can go any period of time without thinking about my annoying tenant, I am grateful. I meet with the plastic surgeon next Wednesday. My oncologist says that he has done 9 out of 10 boobs in this town. I guess that's a good thing. I am very interested to hear all the details of breast reconstruction. I hear there is an option where they use belly fat and muscles to rebuild. Can I get an AMEN?? How about inner thigh fat?

Seriously, though. I have had all week to process this whole thing, and although I have my moments of complete anxiety, I think I am ok. I know I am going to be ok, and this is why...

Last week I started a new job. I love the new place and the employees there have been very sensitive and understanding about my new diagnosis. The downside is that I have only been at the job for a week, so I have not had anytime to build up short term disability. Although I am insured, I will be facing at least 6 weeks out of work to recover from my operation. This has been a great source of anxiety for all of us. Six weeks unpaid would cripple any family in this economy. A friend of mine sent me a text on Monday that said she was praying about the job, insurance situation, "miraculous provision", she called it. On Tuesday, I was given a chance to return to the position that I have recently left, with my benefits intact, including almost exactly 6 weeks of short term disability. As sad as I am to leave my new workplace, I cannot deny God's presence.

In case you were wondering, my God is still in the miracle business. 

With this new development, I can concentrate on my kids and Christian, and being grateful. Please continue to pray for us as we meet with the surgeon, and make the final decisions. I hope each of you enjoy your family today. Today, I am thanking God for this week's miracle.

 

Sunday Schooled

I started my morning like I wish I could start every morning, with all four of us gathered for breakfast at the same time. I love family meals more than anything on the planet, by the way. For just a few minutes I was normal again. I didn't think about my cancer at all...for just a few minutes. 

Ride to church..normal,
traffic..normal,
church clothes..normal,
weather..normal.

Got to speak to a dear friend in Sunday school who is a 17 year survivor. She had so many things to share. I try to take it all in, because I am smart enough to know that I need her story and her help. The thing that she said that stuck with me the most is to tell people how I am feeling, even if it is bad. People want and need to help. I know this will be my hardest challenge, because I need to be in control. So when I don't answer the question, what can we do to help, Go ask Christian. 

I asked Christian today how he felt, and he responded with, "I think we've been through worse". I wanted to say.."Oh really????" But I know he is right. In AA they say 1 out of 10 get and stay clean and sober,  And my doc says I have a 90% chance of being cancer free in 10 years, so maybe I have been through worse. 

In the spirit of our message at church, and what should be my everyday thought process, I am thankful. Thankful for family meals, Sunday school, ladies that share their survival stories with me, 4 years 6 months 12days of sobriety, the moments when I feel normal, and sherbert punch.

November 17, 2012

Today I feel a little better. With the MRI and genetic tests complete, I can relax a bit until I meet next week with the plastic surgeon to discuss my surgical and reconstructive options. Although it is all overwhelming, the scariest part is the financial part...4-6 weeks out of work is SCARY!!

Lets talk about MRI for a minute. I told Christian last night that the only thing that would have made it any worse ..would have been clowns. Small space, loud noise, cold air....clowns. 

I am so touched by all the emails, calls, texts I have received. I love you all so much..it is the prayers and the love that has gotten me out of bed the last 2 days.. so thanks.



My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. --Psalms 73:26

It's funny how we group our memories around major events in our lives. For example, "before Lance died" or "after Owen was born" or "before I got sober"..


Now it will be, "before my Breast Cancer". 
Today is Friday November 16, 2012. The first day after my diagnosis, and I am super scared. I feel like the victim of a home invasion..drawers thrown on the floor, broken glass, missing valuables..completely violated. My safe place does not feel safe anymore. That is the best way to describe my thoughts at this time. We are still trying to wrap our little brains around the news. I find that  I cannot concentrate or stay focused. Christian is super strong and brave.

I know Sherbert punch is a silly name for a blog, so let me explain. This morning while feeling sorry for myself, I started listing off the great things about my life (counting my blessings). Jesus, Family, friends, job, house, car, sense of humor, and sherbert punch. It is really hard to enjoy a good pity party when there are so many things to be thankful for.

I appreciate all the people God has placed around me that are praying and crying with me. I am so very grateful.

Today I go for an MRI and genetic testing. I get to meet with the Breast Cancer navigator. I am compiling information and advice so that I can make some tough surgical decisions. 

Please keep me in your prayers and hug your people tight.