post surgery blues

Well, I am 10 days out from my surgery. I have to say they have flown by. I guess it is a good thing, but it is weird to lose a whole week to a recliner. My pain is to a bearable level, and I can stand up and walk around all by myself. It really is crazy having to ask for help for everything. It is the little tasks that I took for granted that have been the hardest , for example...using a q-tip, putting my afro in a ponytail, washing said afro, pulling my pants up, ect. Anything that requires lifting, bending, reaching, is off limits. 

Another thing that is off limits???My shower. I cannot soak in the tub, rinse in the shower, take a quick dip, unwind, splish splash..nothing. Its just me, my trusty assistant Christian, and a wash rag. I think this is a mean thing to do to someone who is confined to a recliner with herself. Christian and I fashioned a shower poncho out of a 30 gallon trash bag so that he could wash my hair. Maguyver(sp) ain't got nothing on Frazier. I am here to tell ya.

I think I have handled the body image part as well as I can. It was hard to look at myself the first time. I was afraid to take off the ace bandage at first. It was like a security thing. The scars are about 6 inches each and run horizontal across the area. There are still steri-strips on the incisions, so I can't see the actual scars until those come off. There is no nerve sensation in my armpits, or on my chest. I feel immense pressure from the inside where the tissue expanders were placed under the muscle, so the majority of my discomfort is muscle spasm type pain in the front of my chest. Each day it gets better, and each day, I am more comfortable in my new skin. I still have 4 drains in place on each side, under my arms to reduce swelling and fluid from collecting under the skin. These drains are my arch nemeses and must be destroyed. They each have a collection bulb at the end that resembles a grenade. I was supplied a little vest to hold my drains which comes in handy, but gives me a shape as if I am wearing a utility belt under my PJs. Not cute. Once the drains are removed (hopefully 12-26), I will be able to shower, reach over my head and wear jeans. Such a strange Christmas wish list...

I know my body will never be the same, and I know my life has been forever changed. Over the past month, so many beautiful strong women have opened up to me about their journey with breast cancer. They share their stories, and hope and always a tear. There are so many of them. We are everywhere..all colors and ages..It is crazy. Although I didn't choose this path for myself, I am honored to be in the company of so many brave girls. I hope when I am healed and cancer free, I am brave enough to help someone else..There is a Jeremy Camp song that states.."we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony". That is so true.

My family and I are so thankful and humbled by all of the flowers, cards, gifts, sweets and fruit we have received. Please slow down and enjoy this holiday time with your families. Remember Jesus. Hug your loved ones tight and long...
Be nice to people you come across, you never know what's under their scarf.