one

I think I have handled this thing well until now. I have tried to think things through, weigh options, pray and process one thing at a time, but right now, I am a hot mess. One more day. 

Let me start by saying how moved I am by all the cards, emails, flowers, pajamas, cookies, texts, posts, likes and prayers I have received. I am so blessed. 

Breast cancer is a scary thing. There is nothing like hearing someone say "You have Cancer." There is nothing like saying out loud.."I have cancer." Something about that 'C' word...I would be lying if I said that I have not given much thought to my own mortality. I have one daughter I want to marry off, I want to see Owen graduate from college. I want to be old and gray and live on a beach somewhere with my man..I have too much to do. I still have to see the redwood trees...I want to go to New Orleans and take pictures... I haven't learned to play the guitar... Most importantly, I have some apologies to give out. 

I know I am going to make it through. I know I might still have to have chemo or radiation, and I know I have a >90% chance at surviving the 'C' word, but I only have 1 ONE chance at this life. I want God to be pleased. I want to always think before I speak. I want to apologize when I am wrong, and I want to make people laugh and make my parents proud... I will learn to play the guitar, so I can sing "Me and Bobby McGee".  I hope none of my family or friends have to go through something like this, but my new perspective is a blessing. 

I report to UH tomorrow at 7:30. My surgery is around 11. Please pray for us as we start this leg of our journey. Please pray for my children and Christian, they are scared. Please pray for my nurses, as I am a difficult patient. My parents and Jake too.