Back to Work

It has been over a month since my last post. It feels like a year or more. So much has happened. First let me start by saying Thank You to all that came out to the Sherbert Punch Cancer Walk. Despite a chilly start, the day was perfect. I got to see people I had not seen in years and visit with all my friends and family at one location. It was overwhelming. I wish it had lasted longer so I could have talked to everyone.  The following weekend was the yardsale, where even in the pouring rain, people were shopping. Yvette, Tara, Bre and Jessica worked so hard. I have never seen anything like it. My heart overflows with gratitude.

It has been five months since my surgery, six months since my diagnosis. This just blows my mind. I feel as if my world is standing still, but the world keeps spinning. I feel angry about this sometimes. It usually manifests itself though road rage. Don't these other drivers understand I am having a bad day? A bad six months? That's when I have to remember that the world does not revolve around me and my chemo schedule. Although this is sometimes the hardest pill to swallow, I find great comfort in knowing that there is One who is always with me and knows every hair (well, hair follicle) on my head. Lucky me.

There is nothing like a national tragedy or natural disaster to put me in my place, and the past six months have been riddled with them. The week before my diagnosis..Hurricane Sandy, The weekend after my surgery...Sandy Hook, Last month...Boston, and this week..Oklahoma tornadoes. These are all reminders of the fact that we are not promised tomorrow, and things can change in the blink of an eye. And hopefully these events are reminders that material things do not matter. We should all realize that it is the people around us, and the everyday moments that are irreplaceable. I cannot imagine waiting to find out if my babies escaped the school that was leveled by a tornado or whether the gunman passed by the classroom holding my darlings. But I sure do forget my fortune when they make a mess or wake me up at 7:00, or eat ice cream sandwiches for breakfast. Shame on me. Do I send my husband to work with an "I love you", or did I just roll over in a huff because he shaved too loud? I have a ton of work to do.

Last month, my God mother passed away unexpectedly. She was the kindest woman. She could cook, sew, sing, and she always told me she was proud of me. Even when I was strung out on drugs with beer on my breath, she would hug me and smile and make me feel as if I was the only one in her world. She and her husband came to my college graduation in 2011. She was so proud of me. The day she died, I went back through my phone and Facebook inbox just to make sure that I had told her that I loved her. I could not bear the thought of her dying and not knowing. As I scrolled back through our conversations from the last few years, I know for a fact that she knew. This was such a relief to me. I type through my tears as I think of all the work I have to do.

Tomorrow is my last chemo therapy treatment. As I try to prepare myself for what is to come over the next week, I keep coming back to what seems to be the take home lesson. IT'S NOT THAT BAD and LIFE IS SHORT.
If I love someone, I need to tell them often. If I am upset with someone, I need to work it out...fast. I need to tell my kids daily that they make me proud. I need to breathe deep and react slowly (especially in Evans traffic). I need to make time for myself. It is okay to say no. I need to celebrate the little things. I need to ask for forgiveness. I need to stop making excuses. I need to forget about the Jones', and remember that it is the memories and the laughs and the tears and hugs that are most important. I've got work to do.

Thanks again to the ladies that helped with the yardsale, and the Cancer Walk. Thanks to all that purchased t-shirts and bumper stickers. I hope that "One in Eight" has sparked conversations about breast cancer and early detection. Thanks for the support and prayers that have been spoken on my behalf. It has truly made a difference.