It has been nearly a month since my last blog post. It does not seem possible that January is almost over. My mother always said that the older one gets the faster the years fly by..and once again, she was right. She is almost always right.
January started out with many follow-up appointments and meetings. I went to a support group for breast cancer survivors and patients, called The Pink Magnolias. It is really interesting to meet people for the first time and have this crazy thing in common. There is an unspoken energy, love in every handshake and glance. The stories of survival are truly awe inspiring. One lady was diagnosed in 1956. She never received Chemo or radiation, and she is not shy about telling everyone that God alone cured her.
I went to a group called "Look Good Feel Better" where I learned how to apply makeup, tie a scarf out of a t-shirt, care for my skin during chemo, ect. I liked the facial part, but it was very difficult to meet ladies that had already been treated for breast cancer, and were being treated again because the cancer had come back. For those that have read this blog and know me, know that this is my greatest fear. The women I met were especially brave and resilient. I, however was not feeling brave and resilient.
I had my first appointment with the medical oncology team that will be handling all of my medications from this point on. Dr. Pugliese (BC surgeon extraordinaire) picked Dr. Keaton for me, because of my need to know facts, stats and un-sugarcoated news. He was very nice. He and his nurse covered all side effects that I might endure. The list was long and included nausea, vomiting, hair loss, numbness in the arms/legs, BONE PAIN..
The most upsetting news is I cannot eat sushi or enjoy pedicures (salon style) until I am finished. Of course, I can do my own pedi if I can find my numb feet and bend my painful bones to reach them. UGH.
Mind over matter, mind over matter, mind over matter........
Tomorrow, I will have my port-o-cath placed in my chest, just below my collar bone on the right side. This is a small device that can be accessed with a needle, and my infusions will be delivered right into my large vessles near my heart. They can also draw lab work from the port, so I will only have to endure 1 stick. I will keep this in for up to 2 years.
I will receive 6 rounds of chemotherapy, 3 weeks apart. My infusions will be on Thursdays beginning this week. Each Friday following the infusion, I will receive an injection to help my blood counts rebound. I will also receive a medication called Herceptin, which is a targeted medication for my type of cancer. I will get it for a solid year, every 3 weeks.
Knowing my chemo start date has given me some time to take charge of my own situation a bit. I cut all of my hair off a couple of weeks ago. I have eaten sushi. I am going today for another pedicure. Last week, I was able to accompany my family to Orlando for some fun. Ellyott and I enjoyed a Justin Bieber concert from a VIP catered Box seat. Christian's Aunt Janelle and Uncle Mack showed us a diva Disney,Epcot, MGM experience complete with private tour guide and line jumping privileges. It was AMAZING!
Today, its back to reality. I am getting myself prepared for port placement and my first treatment in the next couple of days. So, all your prayers are coveted. Please pray for financial provision, because I am still not cleared to work. Please pray for both of my grandmothers who are recovering from a car accident. Please remember to also pray for the gals I met in the makeup class, who are facing repeat treatment, and everyone else who has been touched by this horrible disease.
Although reality is tough sometimes, we are never alone. We are all in this cancer fight together.May we all be reminded to cherish each second and to love one another.
Well, the holidays are over. Decorations placed back in the attic, tree in the box, bills rolling in, and children headed back to school. I have been sad to see it all go, because I feel I was absent for most of it. I was able to go to Christmas Eve service at church, but the remainder of my holiday season was spent in my cozy recliner. I am so thankful for all of the food, presents and visits I received while hanging in my recliner.
It has been three weeks since my surgery, and I am feeling better. I still experience muscle spasms, limited range of motion in my shoulders, and generalized weakness from sitting for so long. I went yesterday for a follow-up appointment. Dr. Lynn, plastic surgeon in charge of my reconstruction says I am healing fine. My drain tubes have finally been removed!!!! This means, I can leave the house and take a shower. My poor family and friends have had to endure my scent for 21 days now. I have had to endure my scent within the confines of my recliner. Truck stop baths with a wash cloth and soap only remove so much. We did, however, make a miraculous discovery during all of this.. So if you find yourself unable to bathe for a number of days, remember this story.. Christian is a hunter and uses scent removal soap before he heads out into the woods, so deer will not be alerted by his smell. This soap is the only kind that will remove the type of olfactory torture that I was putting out. The name of this product is ...are you ready?? DEAD DOWNWIND. Can you believe that?? Christian emailed the company to thank them for returning a smidgen of self esteem to his disfigured, stinky wife, and now they are sending free products in the mail. Dead Downwind is a great company. (my product plug is over).
The doctor says I still have to take it easy, I cannot drive for at least another week, and I cannot return to the gym at this time............(dramatic pause).
I finally received a complete pathology report, and unfortunately, we did not receive the news we were hoping for. My type of cancer is what Dr. P calls triple positive, which is quite rare. I have estrogen and progesterone positive tumor cells which means they are fed by estrogen, so it is treated by taking estrogen blocking meds for 5-10 years. The side effects are mild hot flashes and adam's apple..just joking about the adam's apple. The third positive is the HER2. This is a mean scary type and is treated by chemotherapy.
We had hoped that by being more aggressive with the surgical intervention, we might get lucky and be able to skip chemo, but now we know that it cannot be avoided. This bad news came on the heels of my good trip to Dr. Lynn, so once again, we are roller coaster passengers on the scariest ride of them all. I am all over the place with my emotions right now. The chemo news has really set me back a few steps. But I will do what has to be done to ensure that I can grow old and see my kids grow old.
I know everyone responds to chemo differently, but I am super sad about losing my hair. I have not always loved having this fro, but it has been that physical quality that sets me apart. I will mourn it more than losing my chest. I know it will grow back and its not the hair that makes the person, but this really sucks. So, if anyone has any head covering suggestions, I am open.
Last Friday, my husband's grandmother Annette, passed away. She was a breast cancer survivor, and the purest soul I have ever met. She loved with her whole heart and will be missed by us all. Please pray for Christian and Katherine (MIL) and Annette's other children and grandchildren, as we mourn. I pray that I handle life's struggle with grace like she did, and we can all honor her by loving others with our whole heart.
Thanks again for all the words of support and prayers. Please keep them coming as we enter into a new year and a new phase of treatment.
I love you all.
